Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals

Relationship Empathy: A Vital Ingredient for Lasting Partnerships (Part 2)

kel wood — Sun, 10 Nov 2024 18:35:00 +0000

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In Part 1 of this blog series, a compelling invitation was offered. As a partner who wants to make your love last, be willing, open, and ready to consider your partner's perspective.

If you haven't already, check out the previous post.

For the curious partner here is more researched based data from the book Lovingkindness by author William Miller. He says:

"A second component of empathy is a skill, the ability to accurately understand other people and perceive the world through their eyes. You may be able to imagine what someone might be feeling or thinking at a particular moment (as in watching a movie), but the skill of empathy goes beyond imagination by seeking to get it right, to correctly understand at least part of what a person is actually experiencing. "

All of us are born with an intuitive ability to sense what others are feeling or thinking.

In my experience as an Overland Park couples therapist and working with couples in conflict, I often hear one partner state "I am so tired and burnt out trying to be patient and have empathy for my partner.

or "I simply stop caring."

It's never too late to want more from your relationship experience. Move past the mundane, robotic day-to-day routine toward a deeper and more vibrant connection.

It only takes one of you to make the decision that you want more. You want the desire to care even though you don't at this moment.

Now you are on board and ready to change the forward path to make your partnership or marriage.

Imagine: You want to know more about your partner's internal experience. See the possibilities- you're laughing more, and both of you are motivated, willing, and interested.

Be curious and start taking baby steps:

1 - Listening closely, be patient, and just listen to their words, thoughts, and emotions.

2 - Ask "How are you feeling right now" "Help me understand how you're feeling" or "I'm curious about what is going on in your head."

3- Avoid judgmental or defensive comments like "There is no reason for you to feel this way (feel alone, scared, or unloved)."

Practice, practice, practice, Like developing your ab or glute muscles you are training your muscles and your mind to keep going through the discomfort.

Remember, a vital relationship ingredient is empathy it has two components.

One element of empathy is internal and motivational—a desire to understand someone else’s perspective and experience.

People vary widely in their desire to understand their partner's perspective."

A second component of empathy is a skill, the ability to accurately understand other people and perceive the world through their eyes.

Decades of evidence-based scientific and applied outcomes tell us about the practice of accurate empathy; a critically powerful connection, vitality and desire alive in your partnership.

Ready to Enhance Your Relationship with Empathy?

If you’re tired of recurring arguments and want to cultivate a deeper understanding with your partner, consider seeking professional couples therapy guidance. Together, we can explore the vital ingredients of a successful relationship and develop strategies to strengthen your bond. Don’t wait any longer—get in touch with Pathways to Empowerment in Overland Park today at 816-805-0732 or dneal@pathwaystoempowerment.net to schedule a couples therapy session today and take the first step toward healthier communication and a stronger relationship.

The post Relationship Empathy: A Vital Ingredient for Lasting Partnerships (Part 2) first appeared on Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals.

Relationship Empathy: A Vital Ingredient for Lasting Partnerships (Part 1)

kel wood — Fri, 25 Oct 2024 17:12:58 +0000

https://pathwaystoempowerment.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/Relationship-Empathy-Part-1-2.mp3

In a meeting with a young couple for the first time, I asked, “Tell me what brought you here today?"

“We are arguing more frequently. Sometimes a single argument has gone on for 6 hrs and it gets really ugly. The bad (in the relationship) is starting to out last the good.”

Many couples can relate to a situation where a seeming mundane conversation in one minute turns into a full-fledged argument at its worst: name-calling, yelling, cursing, saying incendiary things that are designed to hurt your partner. Each conflict can result in further disconnect, resentment, and tension--unresolved. Couples now feel powerless over the feelings and the negative cycle continues.

Having methods and strategies to interrupt the negativity, the tension, and animosity is critical. Taking the “edge” off the downward argumentative spiral is a must for the couples that are serious about making their love last.

What is Empathy?

Roman Krznaric defines empathy as the art of imaginatively stepping into another person's shoes, understanding their feelings or perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions.

The internet definition describes empathy as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

For example, "My partner seems to be changing, he is starting to show empathy for how hard its been for me to start trusting again".

Empathy is an essential and necessary ingredient of a long-lasting successful partnership.

According to author Dr. William Miller Ph.D in his book Lovingkindness, “Empathy is commonly compared to sympathy but empathy is much more. Empathy has at least two important elements.”

Here in Part 1 of this blog series, we will discuss the first element.

"One element of empathy is internal and motivational—a desire to understand someone else’s perspective and experience. People vary widely in their desire to understand their partner's perspective."

Motivation is everything. For NFL football fans, the motivation and desire to watch their preferred team (s) in action win, as the motivation to do other things drastically drops.

It's been said that couples argue about the same issues again and again. Core issues never get resolved or better negotiated. Whether dealing with infidelity, broken trust, parenting, finances/money management, and blended families, we see huge gaps in the quality of empathy.

If ignored or not dealt with, arguments will grow in a negative momentum: like the emotional up and down roller coaster or like a rat on a wheel (running ourselves ragged, running in place miserably and unconsciously toward an unknown goal.)

How to Cultivate Empathy in Your Relationship

,Ask the following:

-What do I already know about empathy? Given the qualities stated above, how well or poorly am I at expressing empathy?

-How motivated have I been to deeply understand my partner's emotions and ideas about x, y, or z?

Understanding and Practicing Empathy

-Think of the last conflict or argument with your partner. How well did you listen to understand and not respond? Focus just on listening to your partner.

-Reflect back to your partner and remember some or all the words that they used.

For example, "You said you only trust me 30% of the time and that it's hard for you to believe that I am telling you the truth"

Now put yourself in your partner's shoes and guess what your partner might be feeling.

Be curious with yourself, " what are their fears and concerns?

Listen closely, reflect, and imagine how your partner feels.

As a partner who wants to make your love last, be willing, open, and ready to consider your partner's perspective.

Stay tuned to part 2 of Relationship Empathy.

Ready to Enhance Your Relationship with Empathy?

The post Relationship Empathy: A Vital Ingredient for Lasting Partnerships (Part 1) first appeared on Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals.

3 Practical But Powerful Tips for Kind Communication in Your Relationship

Debra — Fri, 19 Jun 2020 18:51:37 +0000

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots.” —Frank A. Clark

Tip #1

Be gentle with your criticism. Start with something kind to say about your partner instead of beginning the conversation with a criticism or complaint.

For example, “I noticed how much effort you put into keeping the house organized” or “I appreciate that you went out of your way to mow the lawn over the weekend even when you worked a double shift.”

Start with a “soft opening.” For example, “I need your help with something. Can you take a minute or two to listen?”

“It would help me a great deal if I only had to remind you once to take care of the researching new car insurance rates instead of worrying for weeks at a time that it’s not getting done. Frankly, I feel like I am annoying you when I remind you that you did promise twice to take care of it but never did.”

“Can you help by doing that research and find three companies and quotes by the coming Wednesday (time and date)?”

Visualize a very soft, gentle rain streaming down and try to adjust your mood accordingly.

“Animals are such agreeable friends — they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.”—George Eliot

Tip #2

Treat your spouse like your dog treats you: pass no criticisms.

Think about how your dog(s) greet you when you get home.

They are always glad to see you; they are open, present, receptive, and affectionate. Reflect on your dog’s body language and how your pets show you in many ways that they love you unconditionally. Now, imagine your dogs (verbally) talking to you in ways consistent with their body language.

Then think about how they would speak to you if they were angry or upset by something you’d said or done.

I am envisioning that they would, indeed, pass no criticisms. Treat your partner like your dog treats you.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

Tip #3

Focus on monitoring and changing yourself first

Think back to the early months and years of your marriage or dating relationship. Remember how much physical affection and nonsexual touch there was — kissing, hugging, hand-holding, touching. Think about how great it felt.

It may be almost comical to observe the difference between now and then. This has been a great topic for many comedic performers.

Over time, the sense of being less emotionally connected to one’s partner is strongly correlated with a drop in natural and spontaneous touch and affection, especially that which is distinct from sexual intimacy.

Try an experiment for the next five days. Each day, go out of your way to make a small gesture of affection toward your partner. Be intentional, be sincere, be open, and be self-inspired to give this gift of affection. Small gestures create more connection and are a powerful way to get more out of your committed relationship by first investing something into it.

Contact us today to schedule a couples therapy session and explore how effective communication can lead to deeper connections and a more fulfilling partnership. Serving couples in Overland Park, KS, and beyond. Call us at 816-805-0732 or email dneal@pathwaystoempowerment.net. Let’s take the next step together!

Ready to nurture your relationship through kinder, gentler communication?

The post 3 Practical But Powerful Tips for Kind Communication in Your Relationship first appeared on Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals.

Let’s Talk About Sex: Navigating Intimacy in Your Relationship

Debra Neal — Sat, 07 Oct 2017 20:36:33 +0000

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SEX - Let's talk about sex and sexual intimacy in your committed relationship.

More specifically, when was the last time you and your partner had a non-defensive, tension-free, and open conversation about sex and sexuality?

To have a warm, productive conversation about your concerns, needs, feelings, and desires about sex may be rare and more difficult to work through than we would like to admit.

Your intention, one moment, to have healthy and skillful communication about relationship problems can easily turn into unwanted friction, tension, and a first-class argument.—Yet again. A sensitive subject to avoid.

Decades of research show the following:

1- Romantic relationships are vital to our physical health and psychological well-being

2- Despite the importance of sex for relationships, couples face numerous, ongoing challenges to having and maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship.

The result is a serious decline or loss of sexual intimacy in most or many couples.

Fact: The lack of or faulty conflict resolution skills is one of the top reasons why couples divorce or break up: Another very related reason is lack of emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy.

Learning communication and conflict resolution strategies coupled with learning how to talk about sex, sexuality, and intimacy issues creates positive pathways for possibilities, workability, and satisfaction in your committed relationship.

Consider seeking confidential consultation, counseling, or coaching to address your sex and sexuality concerns with a therapist who specializes in relationship issues and is comfortable helping individuals and couples find a pathway to a sustainable resolution….a healthy, sexually satisfying romantic partnership.

Take the First Step Toward Better Intimacy Today

Don't let fear or discomfort hold you back from improving your relationship. Start your journey today by reaching out for expert help from a couples therapist. A healthier, more fulfilling partnership is within your reach.

The post Let’s Talk About Sex: Navigating Intimacy in Your Relationship first appeared on Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals.

Emotional Intelligence: 4 Fundamentals of Healthy Communication in Couples

Debra Neal — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 17:16:41 +0000

Emotional Intelligence: How well do you know how you react when conflict arises while talking with your spouse or partner?

To what degree are you aware of when you get angry?

How do past unresolved pain and resentment show up in your day-to-day communication with your significant other?

Are you constantly thinking about what your partner needs to change?

As an Overland Park couples therapist, I often see couples—both married and unmarried—repeat exhausting, painful communication patterns that slowly erode their emotional and sexual intimacy.

What starts as casual conversations can quickly spiral into arguments with little resolution.

Over time, chronic communication problems can take a toll on the relationship, leaving couples disconnected and resentful.

Universally, it's difficult to see ourselves accurately or understand how we truly react when we are emotionally triggered.

These problematic emotional reactions in interpersonal and committed relationships can be automatic and invisible. Additionally, many individuals lack the self-awareness to see how their emotional regulations (automatic and invisible) can be a fast track to relationship breakdowns.

What do you know about YOU when you get emotionally triggered by the conflict with your partner?

Are you more laser-focused on what you perceive your partner did wrong rather than what you did wrong?

Do you become more aggressive, passive, or avoidant when you get angry?

If you answered “yes” to any of these four questions and you are tired of feeling angry, discouraged, and frustrated with fighting instead of talking constructively, here are some tips for you:

4 fundamentals of healthy communication and intimacy in your marriage or a committed relationship.

1 - Notice when you start to feel physical or emotional tension while interacting with your spouse or partner.

2 - Listen to what you are saying to yourself about your partner: “She’s lying again” or “Here he goes again” or “She always attacks me”

3 - Start monitoring your body and its physical signs of tension. Notice when you start to feel negative about your partner and what your thoughts are.

4 - Practice strengthening your skills at regulating your emotions and focus on keeping the conversation productive and respectful.

Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship? Let's Talk!

If you're feeling stuck in repetitive conflict or struggling to reconnect with your partner, I can help. Working together, we’ll uncover the emotional patterns that are keeping you from meaningful conversations and deeper intimacy.

Schedule a couples therapy session today and take the first step toward healthier communication and a stronger relationship.

The post Emotional Intelligence: 4 Fundamentals of Healthy Communication in Couples first appeared on Relationship Counseling for Couples and Individuals.